


Apogee

by whatchamacallit7



Category: Original Work
Genre: Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 06:30:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12742878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatchamacallit7/pseuds/whatchamacallit7
Summary: A⋅ po⋅ gee (n.)the highest point in the development of something; the climax or culmination.I looked at myself in the mirror and all I could do was wonder what had happened. I used to be so full of life now I can hardly get up in the morning. I just go through my routine. I can’t do this anymore. I want the girl who I used to know.





	Apogee

_A⋅ po⋅ gee (n.)_

_the highest point in the development of something; the climax or culmination._

~ . ~ * ~ . ~ * ~ .~ * ~ .~

I looked at myself in the mirror and all I could do was wonder what had happened. My face has lost most of its color except under my eyes which has turned purple. I used to be so full of life now I can hardly get up in the morning. I just go through my routine. I make breakfast for my fiancee Vicki, say goodbye, leave for work, sit in an office, eat the lunch I made last night, sit in an office again, get home, greet Vicki, make dinner, eat together, do the dishes, make our lunches for tomorrow, then go to sleep all while trying not to upset Vicki only to repeat it all again tomorrow. I can’t do this anymore. I want the girl who I used to know.

~ . ~ * ~ . ~ * ~ .~ * ~ .~

_It was winter break during my junior year of college when I met Vicki. I saw her from across the dance floor and was stunned by her beauty. Sun-kissed skin, black leather jacket, bright blue crop top, black high-waisted skirt, and black tights. She was the perfect image of a girl I wanted and could never get. We started talking and I knew I had a crush. I wished I could just ask her out but you can’t just ask a girl if she’d be interested in dating another girl. At least, you couldn’t in Ohio. Perhaps it’s different in Boston_

_She introduced herself as Victoria, Vicki for short, and I introduced myself as Cassandra, Cassie. We began by talking about college since that what we had in common but we abandoned that track soon enough. Hours passed by as we tried to learn anything and everything about each other and though I told her a lot about me it felt like I had just scraped the surface with her._

_Too soon I needed to leave. I didn’t want to be too direct so I asked for her number. Then, she did what I couldn’t and asked if we could grab a coffee some time. We set the date and I waited in anticipation._

~ . ~ * ~ . ~ * ~ .~ * ~ .~

I call in sick to the coffee shop I work at today. I look like I’m about to collapse most days anyway so my boss believes me.

I pop the case off of the back of my phone and take out the business card my friend had given me. She tried to tell me there was a problem, that Vicki and my relationship wasn’t healthy. I didn’t agree at the time. I didn’t see a problem at all. She was so nice in the beginning. I held onto the image of that girl.

~ . ~ * ~ . ~ * ~ .~ * ~ .~

_We went on a couple of dates after that day. It was wonderful. At first, we only did small things. Normal date material. She brought me to the movies, an amusement park, the mall. Then we went to the park together for a picnic she had prepared. We set down the blanket and put out food. She’s made salad, sandwiches, and potato salad. She also brought a “surprise” for dessert. She wouldn’t tell me what it was though._

_“Cassie?” She asked after we get settled._

_“Yes?”_

_“As per tradition, I got you a present.”_

_I playfully rolled my eyes. “You know you don’t have to get me a present every time.” Every date she would give me a small gift. It began as small things, flowers, a poem, etc., but then the gifts got more expensive necklaces, rings, etc. Don’t get me wrong. They’re lovely gifts and I cherish them, but I don’t have the money to give her anything._

_“But I want to. I love making you happy. It’s worth any price to me.” She gave me the most radiant smile and all my resistance melts. You would never expect that something as simple as another person wanting your happiness to mean that much to you, but it truly does. When I was growing up, I needed to hide myself. It wasn’t acceptable for a girl to like other girls, so I adapted. I hid that part of me. I joined in on the talks about boys that my friends had and, even though I did like boys, I still felt like I was hiding a part of myself. Being able to show myself to someone--all of myself--and having them accept me without question because all they care about is if I’m happy, well that’s the best feeling._

_“Thank you.”_

_“My pleasure,” she replied. “So, your present. I bought us tickets to see Siren’s Song in concert.”_

_I squeal. Siren’s Song was my favorite band. It’s near impossible to get tickets to their concerts though. They must have cost a fortune._

_“There’s just one thing though,” she continued. A condition? On a gift? “I just--I want to know if you’re serious about this relationship. We’ve had such great times together so far and I want it to stay like that. I don’t want to go any farther without knowing you want the same. Will you be my girlfriend?”_

_Girlfriend? We’ve only been on a couple dates. Sure, I had a lot of fun on them though, but it wasn’t enough time to really get to know her, to know if I’d want to have a serious relationship with her. I do really like her though and I don’t want to end things here. I guess I would be saying yes in the future so what’s the harm agreeing a bit early. I don’t want to lose her just because I got scared of commiting. “Yes, I’d love to.”_

_Her face lit up and we shared a kiss to seal the deal._

~ . ~ * ~ . ~ * ~ .~ * ~ .~

On the back of the card my friend had written a number: 1-800-799-7233 above it was written “Domestic Violence Hotline.” I punched the number into my phone and called.

A kind woman’s voice answers, “Thank you for reaching out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Are you safe to talk?”

My eyes flicker nervously around the room even though I know it’s empty. Vicki won’t be home until tonight and she always texts me as she leaves work.

“Yes.”

“Okay. Why don’t you tell me about your situation?”

“My fiancee Vicki and I met at a party and she asked me out on a date. It was really nice at first. The first warning sign was probably the fight about my friend Maria who Vicki and I were having coffee with. At the end my friend had asked if we’re still on for Tuesday when we were going to have a study session.

~ . ~ * ~ . ~ * ~ .~ * ~ .~

_“Vicki, what’s wrong?” I ask._

_“Just my girlfriend flirting with someone else right in front of me.” She sneered._

_“What are you talking about?”_

_“That girl. Maria. You were just blatantly flirting with her while I was right here,” she accused. Her voice was a knife. Her words leaving cuts into my heart._

_“I wasn't flirting with Maria. We’re just friends. She was talking about our study session.”_

_“What are you study? Anatomy?”_

_At this point, I was stunned. We’d never had a fight before. I don’t even know how to respond to what she’s saying. I would never cheat on her._

_“Vicki, please--”_

_“Look, if you didn’t want to be exclusive, you should have said so when I asked you to be my girlfriend.”_

_“No, I--I want to be with you!” Why won’t she believe me? “But I wasn’t flirting with her. I wouldn’t do that to you!”_

_Her face softened. Maybe she understands now._

_“Well maybe you weren’t flirting with her but she definitely was flirting with you. She was even trying to invalidate our relationship. Why else would she ask my age and say that I didn’t seem like I should have been at Noah’s party unless she was trying to make me look bad? She’s trying to manipulate you.”_

_Is she? Vicki’s argument makes sense. There was no reason for Maria to ask that unless she was trying to say Vicki didn’t belong there. But Maria doesn’t like me that way. We’ve known each other since freshman year and she’s shown no sign of interest in me at all._

_“Look, maybe you shouldn’t go to that study session. You don’t want her getting the wrong idea.”_

_“But--”_

_“Cassie, I’m sorry but what experience do you have with this? You’ve never dated anyone. I just want you to be safe.”_

_Maybe she’s right. I mean just because I wasn’t flirting doesn’t mean she wasn’t. Just because I’m oblivious to it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen._

_“Okay, I’ll text her that I forgot I had plans with you.”_

_“Thank you. I love you.”_

_“Love you too.” I reply._

~ . ~ * ~ . ~ * ~ .~ * ~ .~

“That was when the abuse technically started I guess. I moved into her apartment soon after.”

~ . ~ * ~ . ~ * ~ .~ * ~ .~

_There was an understanding between us in the apartment. Vicki paid rent and I kept it clean. I also would cook meals for us. It was never really said outright though. It just developed from us spending most of our time together here before I moved in. I noticed pretty quickly that Vicki didn’t know how to cook so to thank her for letting me stay over I would cook her a meal (sometimes breakfast also). After a while, I was making dinner every night and leaving a grocery list out for Vicki. Cooking had become routine and I was fine with it._

_It was finals week of my junior year. Vicki was yelling at me and insulting me more often now, but she would still praise me if I did something right. I longed for her praise. I wanted to prove her wrong. That I could be deserving of her even if she deserved better than me._

_I was on the phone with my friend Jade when Vicki came home._

_“Cassie!” Vicki called. My mind immediately scanned through the list of everything I needed to do. Was there anything I had forgotten that she would be able to notice?_

_Dinner. I didn’t cook dinner._

_“Cassie!” Vicki called again. I rushed downstairs to her. She doesn’t like to be kept waiting. I didn’t even putting my phone down until I was in the same room as her._

_“Yes, Vicki?” Vicki saw me and she smiled. Was it genuine? Did she not know yet?_

_“Cassie. There you are. When’s dinner going to be ready?” If I lie and she doesn’t know, then I can cook pasta and it’ll be ready in time. If I tell the truth and she doesn’t know, there’ll be trouble same if I tell the truth and she already knows. If I lie and she already knows though, there will be a lot of trouble._

_“It’ll be ready in 20 minutes.”_

_Vicki’s face falls into a frown. Her demeanor changes from friendly and open to an angrier crueler look._

_She knew._

_She took a step closer and I flinched put didn’t move. She won’t actually hurt me. She never touches me. “Why are you even bothering to study for finals. You won’t remember anything. You can’t even remember to do the small job of making dinner. I give you a place to stay free of charge and pay for whatever you need. You only need to cook the meals. You couldn’t even do your one job! You’re worthless! Then on top of that you lie to me!” She took a second to calm herself. She came over to me and grabbed my hands. I know that means her anger has passed. She’s still disappointed but that’s better than angry. I fall into her arms. “What did you think lying would accomplish, sweetheart?”_

_“I just didn’t want you to be angry,” I say in a near-whisper._

~ . ~ * ~ . ~ * ~ .~ * ~ .~

“Most days are like that now. Everything I do now is just to try to keep her from being angry. I don’t want to live like this anymore.”

“What have you considered?” The operator asks calmly.

“I want to leave but I don’t want her to come after me.” I explain.

“Okay. Do you have anywhere you can go or are you able to get to a hotel?”

“I have a friend who knows my situation. She was the phone I was talking to on the phone. I never hung up and she heard the argument. She’s the one who gave me this number. I also have my parents but they probably wouldn’t help me. They’re don’t know I’m bisexual and they wouldn’t be okay with it. As for the hotel, she’s in control of my money, so I have no way of buying a room. I have some emergency cash but that’s all.”

“It sounds like your friend may be the best option. Let’s talk about what comes next.

Together we made a safety plan. I contacted Jade and she gave me the money for a prepaid phone so we could talk without Vicki knowing and because she could track mine. We decided to get my stuff out of the house on Friday. I stayed at the apartment she shares with her brother.

 

I’m safe now.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. If you are being abused, please remember you are not to blame and you are not alone. You can call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or your local domestic violence shelter. They will help you develop a safety plan for your situation. It may seem difficult but it is possible. You deserve to be happy.
> 
> If you can, consider donating to an organization such as the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence or your local domestic abuse shelter.
> 
> Thanks for Reading,  
> JLM


End file.
